Pregame

["Boston Rob" Mariano]

Alright, so here's my funny story for you all today. I'm busy. Like, really busy. I saw down to do this confessional five times since it went up and each time I've gotten dragged into another mess unrelated to this game. Seriously, the worst night to join a game. The worst. Anyway, I saw the ad for this a few times and in a moment of fuck this shit I'm taking a break, I decided to come back to it. I figured if it starts later in the week I can manage to join, but no, it's already filled.

But then I see there's slots for alternates and I figured why the hell not. I signed myself up and it turned out there was a spot for me here. I had no idea who I wanted to be. Maybe Woo or James just to give Rocker a nemisis of color, but I figured if there was stuff already ready for whoever it was I was replacing, fine.

Abs that is how the Robfather was born.

So here is the thing: this is the first time I'm playing a guy in a while. And even when I play as guys, it's still usually the lower testosterone types. The nerdy guys with the glasses and hearts on their sleeves. I play outsiders and low expectations types. I like to play the misfits because I often feel like one.

So getting Rob... That's almost my exact opposite. I'm nothing, NOTHING like RI Rob. I've never been the master manipulator, the leader, the center of attention. I've been in nice spots on big, dominating tribal alliances. And each time they turn on me, and in that moment is the moment that I feel free. I'm an outsider. I like the scheme. I like to scramble. I like to hide in the shadows. I'm a Cochran or a Kelley, sure, but never a Boston Rob.

But then I thought of an angle on this.

Sure, I'm not the guy who charms girls half my age into being my puppets. I'm not the reformed villain team dad type either. I can claw my way to the top, yeah, but I likely wouldn't betray a friendship to get there. But maybe I've still got a card on the table, taking those away. It's been a while since I've seen Marquesas, but I think I wanna watch it again. I'm feeling pretty inspired!

["Boston Rob" Mariano]

So here's the other story I have for you today. This one is probably boring to you but I wanted to tell it earlier.

Tasha was the first to message me and I already can't stand her. There are 3 huge pretty peeves I have. One's real forgettable and forgivable. The other two... No. Not so much. I can't concentrate on more then one thing at a time. It's a curse. When I am busy, anyone daring to bug me about anything is someone I hate for the rest of the day. Way earlier today I found out the exception to that rule and the exception is if you are bugging me because you want to show me a real live puppy, that's an acceptable unsolicited distraction. I accept puppies as an excuse for anything. Obviously internet people aren't going to know if I'm busy. So I forgive them, even if they don't come with puppies. Still, I usually curse then for killing my focus and hate them just a bit for the rest of the day.

Tags bugged me, and she didn't have the decency to show me a puppy.

Strike two is that Tasha definitely wants to show me her puppies, but I'm talking about adorable canine companion babies. She's meaning more that she wants to get the most out of picking someone with breasts to play in an online forum game for nerds. Seriously, I fucking hate flirting. 90% chance you're a dude, girl, and that's fine. No judgment. But I don't get it. I get flirting if you're actually on an island and there a chance of getting laid but none of us are even planning to leave our desks. Nothing is going to happen. What the hell are you getting out of this? I could see it being a roleplay thing if anyone that's into the flirting was actually into playing in character, but they are ALWAYS the first to gossip about how word someone is if they go further than using someone's catchphrase.

So leave me alone. Don't flirt with me. I have no interest in it. If you're thirsty, girl, go get a glass of water or something. Damn. Really hate that.

And side note, girl must have winked at me five fucking times. You really winking IRL at me, Tasha? Do you actually wink ever? I don't. It looks like someone is having a seizure. Winking is acceptable if you're a parent trying to confound a small child with under developed motor skills, or a middle aged woman treating someone about your secret cookie recipe.

Stop it.

Or if you're going to do it, at least stock a space in front of it so the smiley shows up and doesn't look look me a misguided attempt at punctuation.

Goddamn I hate fucking flirting.

The worst crime that Tasha committed in the 7 minutes that I left her talk to me before I made up a bullshit reason to stop: I was FUCKING INVISIBLE.

I was setting up my aim which is why it was obvious that I was actually on, but just because someone's house is there doesn't mean you should knock on it. The lights are off, the blinds are closed, there's a huge no trespassing and beware of dog sign up. You really think that stranger wants to greet you, neighbor?

No. I'm invisible. I'm not here right now. In not in the mood to talk to you on such inane subjects as "excited for the game?" or "you're lucky you got rob he's hot;)".

Go away.


So I don't like talking to people a lot of the time. If I'm invisible, that's probably a sign that is one of those times.

Whatever, though. Bad first impressions happen. Maybe she's great. I like the character, so I want to give her a chance. And I guess we'll have to get along if we end up tribed together. But then again, a part of me is thinking maybe I don't have to. After all, I am the Robfather....

(These long-ass entries brought to you by i-need-to-rant-about-something-else-but-cant-so-im-using-this-as-a-surrogate and i-wonder-how-big-a-pain-typing-on-my-new-phone-will-be)

["Boston Rob" Mariano]

Oh my god autocorrect mutilated these posts

sorry about that.

[Brian Corridan]

Rob come back pls